“He comes home full of enthusiasm”: how Live More helped John reconnect with the things he loves

Maxine and John moved to live with and support Maxine’s mum, who is 95 and living with dementia. It was a major change in their lives and, a few years later, John was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s too.

John could see how dementia had affected Maxine’s mum, which made him worry about his own future. As Maxine became the sole carer for both her mum and John, she felt the weight of responsibility grow. “Making sure they’re okay, making sure they’re happy, making sure they’ve got this or that. It’s 24/7 for me.”

John had always liked them to do things together and had never really been someone who went out with friends. “He moved around a lot in his life, so he hasn’t got anybody that he would think, ‘I’ll ring so-and-so and go out for a walk with them.’”

That meant time apart was rare. “When I take mum to the day centre for just three hours, I don’t take the opportunity to see a friend because I don’t like to leave John on his own.”

Maxine’s mum was already going to a dementia support group run by Together Dementia Support, and John had started going to an art group and a monthly social group through the organisation too.

Then Together Dementia Support told Maxine about a pilot being run by Shared Lives in Greater Manchester. “I thought it sounded good,” she said. Soon after, Will and Keith from Manchester Shared Lives visited Maxine and John at home with Ged, the Shared Lives carer who would be supporting John. They explained that the support could be flexible and built around John’s interests. “They said he could do absolutely anything,” Maxine said. “It was John’s choice as to what he wanted to do.”

Maxine felt reassured by Ged straight away. “He had a really nice personality,” she said. “He seemed very friendly and engaging.”

Her only concern was whether John would agree to it. “He wasn’t very enthusiastic,” she admitted. But Maxine wanted to give it a try. “I thought it would be a good thing for John,” she said. “And if he didn’t like it, we could stop. I liked the idea of him doing something without me, something that was just about him.”

John and Ged began going out once a week, usually on Thursdays, for around four hours. They went on countryside walks around lakes, trees and places John had never visited before. Some walks were more challenging, with hills and uneven ground, but that was part of what John enjoyed.

“John loved that, because he was really striding out,” Maxine said. It was something he could not easily do when Maxine’s mum was with them.

“If the three of us go out together, we can’t really do that,” she said. “If you go to a park, there are lots of uphill bits. We couldn’t have done that.”

Ged also took photographs on the walks and emailed them to John afterwards. “John being an artist, he absolutely loved it,” Maxine said.

At first, John was reluctant. He was not used to going out with someone new, especially without Maxine. But over time, that changed. “He got to know Ged,” Maxine said. “They got on well.”

For Maxine, the reason was clear. Ged took time to understand John as a person. “He focused on what John likes and John’s personality,” she said. “The whole focus was on what John wants. I think it was all down to Ged’s ability to hone in on John’s personality.”

Ged listened to John, learned what interested him and found the kinds of conversations and places that brought him out. Over time, that relationship became one of the most important parts of the support. “He isn’t one to bond easily on a one-to-one basis, but due to Ged’s lovely manner and ability to get to know John, they have become good mates now, as John described it – which is music to my ears.”

Before Live More, Maxine would often return from taking her mum to the day centre and find John asleep at home. The walks with Ged changed that routine. They gave John a reason to get ready and something to look forward to. “It’s woken him up,” Maxine said. “It’s made him appreciate things.”

She began to see a renewed interest in nature. “He keeps talking about trees all the time,” she said. “‘Look at this, isn’t this lovely? Isn’t this a beautiful tree?” she said. “All of a sudden, he has this huge interest in nature and his surroundings.”

That interest carried on at home too. “He chose a David Attenborough book with all wildlife in it,” Maxine said. “That became a renewed interest. It sort of blossomed.”

The walks also helped rebuild John’s confidence and fitness. After walks with Ged, he came home full of energy and stories. “He’ll say, ‘It’s great. We went to this lake, and then we climbed up here, and then we went to another lake. My legs are aching now, but in a good way.’”

For Maxine, hearing that mattered. “When he returns home, he is full of enthusiasm, telling me how much he has enjoyed it and what he’s seen.”

She also noticed a difference in his mood. “He seems more upbeat,” she said. “More happy in himself.”

The support also made a huge difference to Maxine. John’s time with Ged happened on the same day Maxine took her mum to a day centre. Before Live More, she would usually come home during those few hours and find John asleep.

Now, knowing her mum was safe at the day centre and John was out with Ged, she could take a short break herself.

“I met a friend for a cup of coffee,” she said. “I didn’t think it would make that much difference, but it really has.”

For Maxine, that small window of time mattered more than she expected. “Sometimes I just need that bit of time, knowing John’s gone out with Ged and he’s quite happy and contented. It’s a relief for me. My mind is, for a couple of hours, at rest. It’s very hard mentally, making sure they’re okay,” she said.

The break helped her feel more able to cope. “I feel a bit more refreshed,” she said.

Recently, changes to Ged’s availability have meant the weekly arrangement has paused while Manchester Shared Lives explores future options with the family. Maxine hopes John may be able to continue receiving similar support in future, whether with Ged or another Shared Lives carer, because of the difference the weekly outings have made to both of them.

As Live More grows, stories like Maxine and John’s show how earlier, relationship-based support can help people stay connected to the things that matter to them – while giving families the time and trust they need to keep going.

Find out more: Live More: growing Shared Lives for people living with dementia and their families.

Please note: This story is illustrated using an image from the Centre for Ageing Better image library and does not feature the people described in the story.