“The experience that life affords is all you need”: Why Joseph wants more people to consider Shared Lives

Joseph, 66, has been a Shared Lives carer with Sefton New Directions Shared Lives for 10 years. Before becoming a carer, he worked as a prison officer for 16 years, spending his spare time with family and at the gym.

The idea of becoming a Shared Lives carer wasn’t a new one. Joseph’s partner and mother-in-law had both been involved in similar schemes and, after years of talking about it, he decided to take the step himself. Today, he shares his home with his daughter Sophie and Thomas.

For Joseph, supporting Thomas is about much more than meeting practical needs. Much of their time is spent enjoying everyday activities together, whether that’s a trip to the gym, a film or simply spending time together at home.

“Thomas is a great fella,” says Joseph. “He is funny and sensitive and confident and the best company. It’s great to just hang out with him at the gym or the movies or just being together winding each other up like mates do.”

Thomas has a visual impairment, which can sometimes make unfamiliar places more difficult. Over the years, Joseph has learnt that patience and understanding go a long way when helping someone feel comfortable and confident in new surroundings.

Looking back over the last decade, Joseph says some of the most rewarding moments have come from seeing the impact that stable, personalised support can have. One comment from Thomas in particular has stayed with him.

“Thomas often says to me that coming to live here was the best thing he has ever done. When you hear that, it makes you feel as though you have brought a real and positive change to this man’s life. It’s a nice feeling.”

For Joseph, the rewards come from seeing someone thrive and feel part of everyday life. “To me, Shared Lives means being given an opportunity to create an extended household and include someone who needs a little help and support in their life.”

But Joseph believes he has gained just as much from the arrangement as Thomas. After spending years working in a demanding environment, he says supporting Thomas has changed the way he sees people and the world around him. “He has made me a better person in many ways. I am far more patient now than I ever was in the past and much more empathetic towards everybody I meet in life.”

Perhaps the biggest change has been the atmosphere Thomas brings. “He has brought fun, light and lots of laughter into our home.”

Joseph believes many of the concerns people have about becoming a Shared Lives carer are based on misconceptions. He says life experience, kindness and empathy are often more important than people realise. “The experience that life affords all of us is all you need.”

He is also keen to challenge the idea that becoming a Shared Lives carer means putting your own life on hold. “You do not give up your whole life. The new person in your life just adds to it.”

And for those worried about opening their home to someone new, Joseph says relationships develop naturally over time. “The person you are caring for does not stay a stranger for long. They quickly become a much-loved member of your household.”

Joseph believes many more people could become Shared Lives carers than they think. “If you have anyone in your life that you love, family, friends, anyone. If you give to charity, either your time or money or both, if you feel empathy towards people who are less fortunate than yourself, if you have an open mind and heart, then you are one of those certain types of people.”

When asked to sum up being a Shared Lives carer, Joseph says: “In the words of the late, great Tina Turner, it’s simply the best. The best way to bring wonderfully positive changes to another person’s life.”

Get involved with this year’s Shared Lives Week and support us to ‘Shout about Shared Lives’ and ‘tell one person’ so that more people can be supported, and more lives can change.

If you’re interested in becoming a Shared Lives carer, visit www.startyoursharedlife.today and get in touch with your local Shared Lives scheme to find out more.