“I didn’t want to reach breaking point”: how Live More is supporting Sarah and Edward

Sarah and Edward have been married for 50 years. They built a busy family life together, raising four children and spending as much time outdoors as they could. “We loved being out,” Sarah said. “We had a caravan and would go away with family and friends whenever we could.”

But over time, things began to change. Edward became more dependent on Sarah. He struggled to make decisions, found it harder to concentrate and became increasingly irritable. “He wouldn’t let me out of his sight,” she said. “If I went into another room, he’d call for me.”

At first, it was hard to understand what was happening. Some family members didn’t see the changes in the same way and Sarah questioned her own judgement. “I thought he was just being lazy or difficult,” Sarah said. “And I feel guilty about that now.”

After continuing to push for answers, Edward was referred to a memory clinic and diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2025.

By then, caring had already begun to take its toll. Sarah describes feeling physically exhausted and emotionally drained. “I was constantly on alert,” she said. “Watching what he was doing, responding to him all the time.”

She also began to feel overwhelmed by the reality of what lay ahead. Sarah found local support groups which brought her into contact with other carers and professionals but also introduced a new challenge. “It was a bit of information overload,” she said. “I’d come away with leaflets and just feel overwhelmed.”

At the same time, those sessions forced her to confront what was happening. “It made me think about the future, and that made me anxious,” she said.

Eventually, the pressure became too much. With encouragement from her family, Sarah took a short break abroad with a friend while her daughter stayed with Edward. “I think I would have had a nervous breakdown if I hadn’t had that break,” she said.

Sarah first heard about Live More at one of the Carers Equip support sessions. At first, she reacted in the same way she had to other support offers. “I felt overwhelmed,” she said. “It was just another thing.” What made the difference was a conversation. Someone sat down with her, listened, and explained what the support could offer in a way that felt personal.  “She said she thought we would be good candidates and that it could give me a break,” Sarah said. The reassurance that there was no pressure helped her move forward. “She said we could just try it and stop at any time.”

Sarah called Bolton Cares, which runs the local Shared Lives scheme, the next day. When a Shared Lives coordinator visited, it felt very different from what had come before. “It wasn’t clinical. It just felt like a normal conversation.” By that point, Sarah had already made her decision. “I’d made up my mind,” she said. “I didn’t want to reach breaking point again,” she said. “I had to do something.”

Although Edward felt anxious at first, Sarah was clear about what they both needed. Looking back, she believes the timing was crucial. “It came at the right time, early into our family’s journey with dementia” she said. “If it had come later, I think I’d have been too exhausted to even think about it.”

Edward was matched with John, a Shared Lives carer who shares his interest in being active and getting outdoors. “They’re a good match,” Sarah said. “Edward likes to talk, and John is a very good listener.”

They now meet once a week, spending time walking, going for coffee and getting out into the community. The impact is clear when Edward returns home. “He’s happy – and tired, but in a good way,” she said.

At first, Edward found the sessions difficult and felt anxious about being apart from Sarah. Over time, that has changed. “He was very dependent on me,” Sarah said. “But that anxiety has settled a lot.”

An unexpected outcome has been Sarah’s relationship with John as well. “He often stays for a chat afterwards,” she said. “We’ve become friends.”

For Sarah, the impact has been significant. “I look forward to it,” she said. “I can’t wait.” Those few hours each week give her something she hadn’t had for a long time. “Headspace,” she said. “Time to completely switch off.”

She spends that time doing everyday things – going to the shops, taking a walk, doing a jigsaw, catching up on a TV programme or getting things done at home. But what matters most is how it feels. “For those few hours, I don’t have to worry about Edward,” she said. “I trust John completely. It gives me the strength to carry on.”

The support has also helped Sarah make changes in her own life. She feels calmer and more able to slow down. For the first time, she has started setting boundaries. “I’ve started saying no,” she said. “I’ll say, I’m going to sit and watch something for an hour, and don’t disturb me.”

Before, she says, she wouldn’t have been able to do that without feeling guilty. She has also taken on something she used to avoid. “I used to hate driving,” she said. “Edward did all of it.” Now, she drives herself on short journeys. “I was nervous at first,” she said. “But I can do it now. And I enjoy it.”

Live More has changed how Sarah thinks about the future. She feels more able to seek support when she needs it and more confident in managing what lies ahead. Without it, she believes things would have taken a very different turn. “I’d probably be back at the GP, on medication, and close to emotional and physical collapse.” she said. “That’s not a road I want to go down.”

Instead, she feels more in control. “Live More has really made a difference,” she said. “It’s empowering.”

As Live More grows, we’re keeping people like Edward and Sarah – and what matters to them – at the heart of the programme.

Find out more: Live More: growing Shared Lives for people living with dementia and their families.

Please note: This story is illustrated using an image from the Centre for Ageing Better image library and does not feature the people described in the story.