Mythbusting Shared Lives: ‘A stranger that becomes family is no longer a stranger’

Patricia and Alistair became Shared Lives carers after seeing a poster in Galashiels and later speaking to someone at an information stand at the Borders General Hospital.

“I approached the lady, Carol, and asked about it,” said Patricia. “She offered to visit us and explain the process of Shared Lives. We had lots of questions, but Carol answered everything. I wasn’t nervous – more excited at the prospect of Shared Lives.”

They applied to Cornerstone Shared Lives in early 2023, were approved by panel in July, and were soon matched with Archie, a young man looking for day support and short breaks. The match began gradually, to see if it could become a long term arrangement – and it did. Archie now lives with them full time.

“Although it’s an in-depth process,” said Patricia, “it is done stage by stage, at your pace.” That steady approach helped everyone build trust and confidence. “He’s transformed our lives – never mind us transforming his,” said Alistair. “He’s given us a focus.”

The matching and introduction process made sure it was the right fit—not just for Patricia and Alistair, but for Archie and his family too. “Matching a young person is probably not an easy job,” said Alistair, “but the professionalism and the speed that the Shared Lives team went at—our speed and Archie’s speed—we were never rushed.”

The process began with reading a report about Archie. “We said we would like to meet him,” said Patricia. “We met with his parents in the beginning—as they are putting their trust in people they don’t know—and we had a wonderful visit.”

Next came a visit from Archie and his mum for a walk and a chat. “We all bonded right away,” said Patricia. “Over time, we saw Archie without his parents. His first solo visit was lunch with our family for our granddaughter’s 16th birthday. They all loved him, and he them. A few more visits and sleepovers—and it was as easy as that.”

The process helped everyone feel at ease. “We got to know Archie through daily visits, then sleepovers, and we slowly built it up from there,” said Alistair. “We all bonded right away,” says Patricia. “Now he’s definitely part of our family,” says Alistair.

They felt fully supported by the scheme throughout. “We were never left feeling we were doing this on our own,” said Alistair. “And still don’t.” “We’ve had incredible support from the beginning,” added Patricia. “Our family placement officer Carol was the main link between us all and made the whole transition so easy.”

For anyone wondering whether Shared Lives means bringing a stranger into your home, Patricia and Alistair offer reassurance.

“Trust in the process; the Shared Lives team are very good at what they do,” said Alistair. Patricia agrees: “Even if you are even just thinking about it, pick up the phone and learn more. A stranger that becomes family is no longer a stranger.”

Becoming Shared Lives carers has enriched their lives in ways they didn’t expect. “It keeps me motivated,” said Alistair. “It provides interesting challenges… but most of all, it gives me a great sense of gratitude that I’m making a positive difference in someone’s life.”

“Archie has brought so much joy to our lives,” said Patricia. We communicate more, we’ve learned more about services in the Borders, and we have fun—we are always laughing. Watching him develop—at college, on the bus, in daily life- gives us a sense of achievement and pride.”

Watch Patricia and Alistair’s Shared Lives story on YouTube: Patricia and Alistair’s Shared Lives Journey

If you’ve been inspired by their story, visit www.startyoursharedlife.today to find out more about becoming a Shared Lives carer.